


Abyss

by Tokijin and Tonic (WhatAreBirds)



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-05-02 12:18:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5248013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatAreBirds/pseuds/Tokijin%20and%20Tonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kikyo makes an unwitting wish.  A wish that grants her life, but leaves her longing for death.<br/>(AU - Kikyo chooses to live 50 years ago)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

A dying cinder drifted in and out of the darkened edges of her vision. Layers of smoke and burnt blood caked every winding turn of her airways. The grass below twinkled with red dew as the rest of her life dripped onto it. With every fragile heartbeat, her sight receded. Black tendrils crept around her, threatening to smother her. Kikyo only saw the faint shadow of Death lurking near. She would meet him face to face soon enough.

In her quivering fingers, a perfect sphere glimmered from under its veil ofblood. The Shikon jewel, after starving for so long, once again feasted on tragedy. Such a beautiful object. Such a legacy of suffering. A legacy that would end with her.  
A wave of pain rippled through her as she lifted her head. An ancient, winding tree towered over her. Against its trunk, a silver-haired boy hung. Silent, his head lolled to one side, his face serene. One could almost mistake it for a peaceful slumber if it were not for the single arrow jutting from his chest. The last arrow she would ever fire in this life. The final arrow that killed that beautiful, lonely boy, her hope for a normal life. The only thing that remained was the cursed bauble he had betrayed her for.

"For such a thing..." she whispered as she clutched the jewel to her chest. A frantic rustling to her left pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Sister!" It was the high voice of a child. "Sister Kikyo!"  
Kikyo tilted her neck as far as she could towards her companion. Bandages wrapped around her sister's face.  A trail of blood trickled from underneath the linens near her eye. In spite of her dwindling life-force, Kikyo felt the embers of anger stir. She would die here, leaving her maimed sister to clean up. A curse formed on her lips, but remained voiceless. She had to salvage what little remained of her dignity for the sake of those who lived on. Kikyo would die as the miko that defended them and not as the woman betrayed by her halfbreed lover.

"Kaede." Kikyo shifted her gaze towards the girl. "When I die..."

Kaede clutched at Kikyo's arm with the raw desperation only a child could muster. "You can't die! Please!" Kaede buried her face in her sister's bloodied hakama.

"Kaede, you must listen!" Kikyo said, each syllable came more labored than the next. "You must burn this jewel with my body. I must take it with me to the world beyond." _It is the only way to break the cycle_. _I won't let the Jewel claim another life, even if it means I have to fight it in death._

_Even if it means I have to face Inuyasha in the World of the Dead._

Kaede refused to listen. She sniveled and whimpered, her composure was unfit for one who would assume her elder's place as the village protector. "NO! NO!"Blood intermingled with the tears from her still functioning eye. "Sister please, we need you! I need you! Don't die because of this!"

A sly voice percolated from a dark place in her mind. _Yes, why should you die for the sake of saving these people? After all you've sacrificed for them... You could use the the jewel to live. Use the jewel to become even more powerful than Midoriko herself._

The thought shook her. Her vision focused on the artifact she still grasped in her hand. Black tendrils of corruption writhed within it. The motion around her halted.  A black night descended on her.  A void darker than any starless night. It was just her. And the jewel.

"Or perhaps." The voice continued, clearer than ever. "You would like to see Inuyasha again?" A column of light shot down, illuminating the hanyo on the tree. The serene expression on his face contrasted with the blood and soot that coated it.

She felt her eyes watering as she gazed upon that familiar face. That face that radiated a loneliness as deep as hers. Half of her still wanted to believe that it was all some sort of tragic misunderstanding. That they could somehow still spend their lives together. That they could learn to trust each other for real this time.

She didn't want to die hating him.  

She wanted to see Inuyasha again.  

A pain pulled at her heart.  Her vision of Inuyasha faded and blurred. 

"But..." The jewel spoke again. "You may not like the result if I would grant you that wish after death..." The opalescent orb floated along the periphery of her vision. "Inuyasha will not join you in death. But you can still join him in life. It is not too late..."

The jewel had sensed her intentions. It was trying to preserve its own existence.

At that moment, she knew that even dragging it into hell wouldn't stop its path of devastation.

"You don't owe them anything, Kikyo. You should stay with your little sister. You don't need to fight anymore..."  
As it uttered those words, her focus intensified to a single point on the jewel. She saw it, the glimmer of light fighting the darkness that surrounded it.   Countless legions of yokai and a lone miko locked in eternal strife.  How could chaos incarnate grant her peace?

" _I promise_ ," the jewel said, as if reading her unspoken question. "I will give you the life you always deserved..."

She didn't deserve life. She had failed everyone. Failed herself.

Kikyo turned to gaze upon the boy bound to the sacred tree. His innocent features obscured behind a veil of her tears. Her traitorous heart wished that it could look upon him just for a little longer.  Just a little longer...

To stay with her killer for just a little longer...

"I will grant your wish, miko," the jewel boomed. Searing pain webbed through her. The veil of confusion lifted like flies from a corpse. Dread washed over her in a cold tide. Her pulse strengthened.

_What have I done?_


	2. Escalation

"Sister!"

Light flooded in, dragging agony along with it. Within her head, crashing waves of pain killed every thought threatening to form. Her memories scattered. Each beat of her heart seemed to roar, screaming from starvation, screaming for blood. Bracing her arms against the ground, she strained her muscles. They gave out, her face slapped against wet earth. The pungent stench of metal permeated from it. Her blood.

"Sister!" Kaede exclaimed. Kikyo's eyes refused to focus on the child's face. "Sister," she sobbed one last time, "I thought you had..." Kaede threw herself into Kikyo's chest, a hot brand of pain stamped the elder sister's shoulder. Her tenuous consciousness swirled and tumbled and she found herself falling back into darkness.

Quicksilver threads dangled before her. Silver that transmuted into gold under the rays of the sunset. Soft, pliable, ethereal. A demon's mane. Robes a shade shy of blood swayed in sync with these majestic locks. A face normally marked by feral and distrusting features was relaxed in contentment...kindness even. She had loved his eyes the best, those strange yellow predator's eyes. Those lonely eyes of an outcast. A trait shared between them. She thought they could share the loneliness, too.

"You thought wrong." He now stood over her, his face obscured in shadow. A heavy drop splattered against her cheek. Another. His blood-soaked claws loomed above, stained all the way to the red of his sleeve. (Had it been hers?) "I don't need anyone, much less a cold hearted murderess like you." The jewel rested in his palm. Despite the blackened blood that soaked it, it seemed to glow with brilliant darkness.

She had been such a fool to love him. To even attempt to reach out to his human heart. Killing was the only thing she and Inuyasha ever had in common.

Her loneliness would remain solely hers.

A soft shuffling of feet on packed earth gently lifted her awareness. As blurriness receded, she could see faded wood walls around her. A simple blanket encased her. When she lifted her head, a wave of nausea pushed her back down. She opened her mouth to speak, but her throat was parchment dry. She glanced to one side, clusters of poultices and bowls were scattered there. Kaede had a talent for nursing, but not organization.

Dread crept up her spine. She shouldn't be alive. The last thing she recalled was ordering Kaede to burn her body with the jewel.

The Jewel!

A primal surge of fear dulled the pain as she propped up on her elbows. Her heartbeat echoed in her ears as she crawled towards the door.

What had happened to the Shikon Jewel? Finally outside, she braced her back against the hut's side and dragged herself upright. Her head spun, threatening to revoke her newly found balance, so she remained near the village walls for support.

Her carefully honed spiritual senses had unraveled with her own heart.

The Jewel had a distinctive and fearsome aura. But she could barely sense even that. A festering doubt told her that she would never regain her powers.

"Lady Kikyo!" The village elder hurried towards her, "You mustn't strain yourself!" He gingerly took her arm.

"The jewel," she hissed out, "where is the jewel?" Her gaze remained on the shrine where the Shikon Jewel was once housed.

The elder cleared his throat. "We had to call back the taijiya, the yokai have been restless while you slept." He abruptly stopped, as if he was trying to spare her feelings. Her guilt over failure must have shown.

The shrine rose on the hill before them. An encampment sprawled around its perimeter. Tendrils of smoke still drifted from last night's campfires. Racks of what could only be special yokai-exterminating weapons were carefully arranged around the tents. A freckled boy who could have been no older than fourteen was wiping black blood from an oversized ax. He gave her a sullen look before returning to his work. A few more rubs of the cloth and he stopped again. He looked back up at her, suddenly thoughtful.

"Lady miko." His eyes widened as he realized her identity. He jumped from his spot and prostrated himself before her. "Forgive my rudeness, I did not recognize you!"

He was familiar to her. The eldest son of the man who handed her that wretched jewel for safekeeping. Humiliation ripped through her as she imagined their dissatisfaction. They had picked the wrong guardian.

Out of force of habit, she tried to soothe him. "Please, do no worry..." she said, "Your name was Tohru, was it not?" She glanced past him, looking into the shrine. Something glowed in the low light. The Jewel was still in there. She wasn't sure if she was disappointed or relieved.

"Yes, my lady," he rose up, still clutching his ax awkwardly. Realizing this, he quickly tossed it behind him, blushing.

"Tohru!" A strong voice boomed from behind her, "Lady Kikyo!" it continued as the footsteps intensified. She whirled around to see the source. A tall slayer approached her, a boomerang slung over one shoulder and a small cat-yokai sleeping contentedly on the other.

"Sir Shako." She attempted a small bow, as far as her anguished nerves would allow her.

"Please, do not strain yourself, Lady Kikyo." The slayer's face blanched as he observed the extent of her injuries.

"Thank you for coming..." she said, "...to defend the village," _because I cannot_ was the unspoken finish.

"I would have liked to reunite under less harrowing circumstances, Lady Kikyo." He smiled a sad, knowing smile. The sleeping cat-yokai let out a small yawn. "We will do our best to defend the Jewel until you are well again." The moisture in her throat seemed to disappear instantly. _I'll never be able to purify the_ _Jew_ _el again._ She wanted to tell him to find another miko, or some monk who could properly defend the jewel. The words froze in her lungs, however, and she only managed a painful cough.

Another powerful heave followed and sent her plummeting to the ground. Concerned voices rang all around her, but were muffled by the clamorous ringing in her ears.

"Sister!" Kaede's voice, penetrated the din. The girl's face was wound with messy bandages. The girl ran to the fallen miko. "You shouldn't be out of the house!" she fretted. "Elder Kitsuke, please help me get her back to the shed."

"No need," Shako said as he gently lifted Kikyo up, "allow me." She felt herself drifting off again as she rocked in his arms. Once again in her recovery room, she surrendered to the rising darkness.

The same silver hair, golden eyes, the ears of a dog. Inuyasha was smiling at her. A gentle smile that she had never witnessed from him. "Kikyo, to think we could live our lives together..." He gripped her hand in his taloned one. She smiled back at him. Smiled at the thought of being a normal woman. At the thought she wouldn’t be alone anymore. "To think we could be in love..." he continued. His smile widened further. "To think that we would ever work out..." his claws dug into her wrist, pinpricks of blood formed as the tips sank into flesh. He yanked her forward, grabbing a swathe of her hair. "You are a foolish woman to think these things." His eyes glowed a menacing red. His fangs lengthened and his mouth twisted into a malicious grin. "Why would I choose to be a weak human like you?" Long red lines of blood ran down the length of her arm. The lines crisscrossed like a spiderweb as they meandered in unnatural ways. They flowed all the way up her arm, sinking down into her right shoulder. Real pain rocked her body. Real tears escaped her eyes.

She awoke with a silent scream and a layer of cold sweat coating her. Orange light danced in the doorway, casting twisting frantic shadows on the opposite wall. She heard panicked voices outside.

"We have to move Lady Kikyo out of here!" a taller shadow said, "there are too many yokai to defend this place."

"It doesn't make sense," the shorter figure responded, "It all seems too coordinated! Could they all be working together to take the Jewel?"

"Stop thinking about it and take Lady Kikyo away from this place!" the tall one barked. The shorter of the two dashed into the hut. It was Tohru.

"Lady Kikyo." He was coated in a layer of what could only have been yokai blood and was panting heavily. "I'm sorry, but I have to move you now," he said as he slung her over his shoulder. The boy was alarmingly strong for his age.

"Wait," she said in a weak voice, "Where is my sister? Where is Kaede?"

"I'm sorry, Lady Kikyo," he apologized again, ignoring her question. He dashed out into the waiting woods. She strained her head to see the chaos erupting in the village. Most had already burnt to cinders during Inuyasha's attack, but now it seemed that the land itself had caught in an unholy fire. Legions of yokai swarmed through the village streets. Some had entrails hanging from their jaws, others had sunk their teeth into still living humans. The screams reverberated in her ears. She was powerless to stop it. Her body quivered with rage. Kaede was in there. Her only remaining family. And yet her eyes remained dry. She felt a foreign feeling building within her. A sort of anger, a sort of disgust. Could this be considered hate? Yes, she was sure it was hate.

The air cooled as they escaped into the forest. Tohru bore southward, to the cliffs riddled with caverns. She felt as if she had forgotten something here. Tohru selected a more sheltered cave and hid her inside. He unhinged one of his shoulder-pads and produced a small bottle. Uncapping it, he anointed her with a foul-smelling mixture. "This should mask your scent to the yokai," he explained. He lathered a goodly portion on himself, gripped at his ax and made his way towards the entrance. He glanced back at her, a clear dilemma playing out in his mind.

"Please, go and help," Kikyo urged him. "I will be fine here, I still have some of my spiritual power left," she lied, "I can erect a barrier." Hearing this, Tohru bolted from the cave in order to rejoin his comrades. Kikyo prayed that he might also be spared in the night's carnage.

The cave's air was uniformly cool and still, but it did little to assuage her fear. The damp smell of earth permeated here, and she was reminded of the time she spent tending to the burnt bandit.

Onigumo! She had forgotten about him! She wondered at the amount of time she was unconscious. It was doubtful that Kaede had found time to tend to the thief, and she always did express such a vehement dislike of the crippled man. Would he have survived this long without care? She shook her head. No, wouldn't have survived much longer even with care. The man had been dying a slow, agonizing death. Kikyo simply was trying to make it more bearable. She wanted to show him the mercy that he had undoubtedly had denied others. But then she remembered the things Kaede had relayed to her. The filth that he had confessed to her little sister. Perhaps some were born with evil in their hearts. Perhaps some did not deserve mercy.

Kikyo closed her eyes and focused her senses. She could only hear the soft rustling of the breeze as it flitted through the ivy at the cave maw. Nothing had followed her here. Despite her chronic exhaustion, she could find no sleep. The darkness around her seemed to stretch out into an infinite abyss. Perhaps she had died and was now just finding herself in hell. Every small noise from the outside jumped her nerves. Her insomnia fueled wretched imaginings, and at one point she even half-expected Inuyasha to leap into the cave and tear her asunder. Gradations of dawn began to ebb at the small patch of night sky visible from cave mouth. A small pattering of noises made her sharpen her hearing. It was the sound of footfalls in the grass outside. Had someone found her? A yokai? Was Tohru returning? Kaede? She quelled the feeling of hope before it found a foothold in her psyche. A shadow blocked the light of the cave mouth.

"Hello?" The figure's voice was unfamiliar. "Is someone in here?" It was the clear and mild tone of a man. Kikyo sensed no danger, but remained silent. Sandals scuffed against loose rocks as he made his way into the chamber. "Oh," he stopped when he saw her. "I heard news of a yokai attack in a nearby village. " He explained unbidden. "But as I moved into the outskirts, I sensed great spiritual presence from this cave..."

 _You'll have to look elsewhere, I've lost all that._ she thought bitterly. _I'm just a weak human woman, like I always wanted to be..._ "I cannot vouch for my spiritual power, but my village needs help," she rasped out.

"You're injured!" he exclaimed as he approached her.

"These wounds are not new," she responded, "Please take me to the village," she insisted. He offered her a shoulder and assisted her out of the cave. In the light, he was dressed in the robes of a monk. His head was clean-shaven and topped with a large straw traveling hat.

"I am Miyatsu, I travel and provide spiritual guidance," he said as he led her along. His hand seemed to drift lower and lower down her back.

"I am Kikyo," was the only introduction she gave, hoping that she could conceal her identity as a miko from this stranger.

"The Kikyo?" he exclaimed, "The one entrusted with the Shikon Jewel?" His hand snapped back into a more proper place on her back. "How did you come to be in this state?"

"...a yokai attacked me when my guard was lowered."

At last they reached the outer fields of the village. Smoke layered above it in a thick blanket. Corpses littered the ground and she could not distinguish between the human and yokai, so entangled were they. She longed to tear herself away and rush into the scene. To see if anyone had lived. But her weakness kept her propped up against this stranger monk. A gust from the village brought the stench of burnt flesh and blood to her nose. Even her tending to Onigumo had not prepared her the sheer magnitude of the sensation. Miyatsu froze in place beside her.

"Oh sweet Buddha," he muttered as he brought his sleeve in front of his face. He gagged and tried to regain his composure. Another sensation tickled her senses, it was familiar to her. A force she had lived with for these past few years. Even as her other spiritual gifts had abandoned her, it seemed that the Shikon Jewel refused to release its hold on her.

A man stood in the smoldering ruins, clad in a bandit's armor. Inky black hair, pale skin, and piercing red eyes. He grasped the jewel in his hands. Kikyo felt surprise that this human had managed to be the sole victor in the skirmish for the jewel. Perhaps he had waited until all the parties had killed each other? He was not the first wicked human to seek the Jewel. And while yokai predictably sought power from the jewel, a human's wish was a terrifying uncertainty. The man advanced towards them. Miyatsu blocked her with his staff.

"Lady Kikyo," he whispered in a harsh tone, "We need to leave right now." His eyes shone with pure terror. Kikyo did not understand, did he know this man? Without further warning, the monk slung her over a shoulder and broke out into a sprint. The man had stopped moving, but was staring right at her with a wicked smile.

 


	3. Beginnings

"Lady Kikyo, did you not sense it?" the monk asked, drained of confidence. She imagined that his face was just as drained of blood.

"Sense what?" She shifted against the coarse fabric of his robes. She would not aggravate her wounds by attempting to gaze back at him. Instead, she fixed her attention to the retreating village along the horizon. Slender branches covered the view back. They wove together like the fingers of children playing a guessing game.

"I've never witnessed such terrible evil." His tone was taut as a bowstring. "How could you not feel it?" The miko's head sank against the back of his shoulder blade. She bobbed with each of Miyatsu's lengthy strides.

"I have fallen," she murmured, "my spiritual power has been lost to me." Miyatsu could muster no response to her confession. Kikyo felt thick, black shame oozing out from her core.

They continued in silence until dusk. Just as the sunset withered on the horizon, the monk collapsed into an exhausted heap. A gnarled grove of trees encircled them. Coarse grass scraped against her bare feet as she wobbled towards the nearest trunk. A line of ants progressed from one point to another on the frayed bark. A small spider snatched a single ant from this procession, but there was no response from the others. The victim had never existed at all to them. The thud of wood hitting the ground wrenched Kikyo from her morbid observations. Miyatsu quirked an eyebrow at her distant expression before turning to gather more kindling. She did not look back to the ants. Instead, she busied herself by tracing invisible lines along the roots with her fingers.

Miyatsu returned with one last bundle of firewood in his arms and a great deal of leaves clinging to his robe. He dropped his cargo in the center of their campsite and arranged it into an elaborate column. It almost looked like the beginning of a funeral pyre to Kikyo. He struck the metal of his holy staff against a rock. Sparks flew into the dried litter. In a moment, a newborn flame struggled for life against the evening breeze.

"Lady Kikyo." Miyatsu hesitated a moment before continuing. "Would you please tell me how you lost your powers?" True sympathy resided on his winsome face.

"It was..." she started, "No, **he** was." She corrected herself. "A hanyo came to my village not long ago seeking the jewel..." Tears threatened to return every moment she took to recount her personal tragedy. Kikyo divulged no more than she needed, yet she felt as if she had already said too much. "You see, my failure has caused all this." Her throat tightened and she feared that a sob would erupt from it.

Flickers of fire reflected in her companion's eyes as Miyatsu regarded her.

"I cannot condemn you for this, no matter how much you may want me to, Lady Kikyo," he said with no hint of judgment. With a smooth gesture, he gathered up her hands in his, and stared into her eyes. The monk's gaze was intense, thoughtful. _Years of meditation must have given him wisdom about the nature of suffering_ Kikyo thought. "For a beast like that to take advantage of such a lovely maiden." He continued as his face turned from genuine sympathy to well-practiced sincerity. "It is unforgivable." He drew her into a one-armed hug, taking care to avoid her wounds.

"Sir Monk..." she whispered, shocked by his compassion. She was about to thank him for his words when she felt a hand brushing against her bottom. She jolted, her spine straight as an arrow.

"It must be so hard, to have your trust violated like that."

"Ah," Kikyo squeaked. A blush boiled on her face. She had no clue how to respond, and her protest did not escape her shocked vocal chords. The awkward moment passed as he released her from the hug. A fresh anger bubbled up within her. Even Inuyasha had never dared to touch her like that!

"You completely lousy perverted MONK! How dare you take advantage of me like that!" she shrieked at last. The outburst came completely unexpected to her, and she covered her mouth in embarrassment.

"I'm glad to see you're in better spirits, Lady Kikyo." He gave her an elusive smile. "If you still have that much fight in you, I'm sure you'll recover your powers soon enough."

"Unbelievable," she muttered before slumping against the tree. She winced as her torn shoulder smacked against the dense wood. Indignation swelled within as she drifted off to sleep. The anger, she found, was better company than guilt. For once, she did not dream of Inuyasha.

In the following days, Kikyo's strength returned to her — at least her physical strength. Somehow, a fire had rekindled within her, spurring her on. Perhaps her companion inspired her. Miyatsu was a peculiar and insincere sort of monk. Every day, the monk seemed to surprise her with some new debauchery. Often, what he referred to as "spiritual guidance" revealed itself to be outright swindling. And yet, Kikyo found herself admiring the monk's sheer audacity. Not that she would ever admit it to him.

"I cannot believe this." She huffed as she eyed the stacks of fine cloth, spices and oils he exacted during his latest heist. "What manner of monk are you?" The latter question had become a sort of running theme in their interactions.

"One that enjoys eating well," he countered, grinning like a boy half his age.

"That's more than enough for an entire year." Her attention turned to the long chain of clinking coins that dangled from his hand. "What else could you be spending it on?"

"Ahhhh..." He rubbed the back of his head in feigned thoughtfulness. "I also must use the money to spread eightfold path to those who may never hear it." He faced away as his sentence trailed off.

"You mean spending the coin in brothels." Kikyo rolled her eyes.

"Now why would such a pure maiden like yourself know what a brothel is?" Miyatsu asked, levity coloring his question. She ignored him, stuck her chin up, and strode past. The throbbing in her shoulder reminded her that she couldn't keep up that pace for long. But Kikyo needed to put on a good show of disapproval. As dissipated as he was, Kikyo did find the monk's easygoing nature refreshing. He walked a fine, graceful line between duty and freedom — a line that she envied. And, he was actually a capable exorcist when the situation called for it. The trick was seeing which one of the "exorcisms" was actually genuine.

They had not returned to the village since the run-in with the bandit. Kikyo felt a pang in her chest thinking about it. Each day she spent away from home intensified her dread. What had happened to Kaede? Was her little sister even alive? Fear sunk its teeth into her, continued to gnaw at her. The potentials of grief and hope circled within her like leaves in a whirlpool.

If she could just see...even if it was just a body…

She needed to go back.

The subject arose one evening as they rested in the opulent quarters of a local lord. Miyatsu had convinced the lord that a dark cloud of evil swirled above the manor. Of course, he offered his skills as an exorcist. A few worthless sutras later, they found themselves in front of a spread fit for the gods. Colorful light from paper lanterns bled through the translucent rice paper walls. The evening breeze lapped at her neck, a cool caress. Even if they were ill-gotten, she couldn't deny the taste of crisp vegetables. _After all, I do need to regain my strength._ She allowed herself an internal chuckle. _I have been around this scoundrel of a monk for far too long._ That very scoundrel was sipping a saucer of sake from across the table.

Now was as good a time as any.

"When can we return to my village, sir monk?" she asked as she lowered her rice bowl. He inhaled a measure of sake. He coughed for a minute, gasping for air as the liquor burned his airways. After the fit concluded, he swallowed, and then spoke.

"Lady Kikyo." His eyes were glossy and bloodshot. "I know you are concerned about your village, but that yokai..."

"I'm not just worried about it!" She interrupted. "I'm **terrified** for my people. I need to know what's become of them!" _I need to see my little sister again._

Miyatsu poured himself another drink. All traces of his previous mirth had vanished. His brow furrowed and cast a somber shadow across his handsome features. He had not been this serious since the attack on her village.

"I'd rather wait until your powers have recovered completely, Lady Kikyo.”

"I've been making progress," she responded. Her words were part truth. Even as pain lingered in her heart, she felt a small peace somehow worm its way into her. With peace, came purity of spirit. With purity of spirit, she could return to her duties as a miko...

Somehow, she was not thrilled at that last thought.

Perhaps her time with the monk had been the catalyst. His lively companionship made her feel as if... The last time she had felt this way was with...

She stopped that trail of thought.

She could not afford to be happy while the Jewel was still out there, wreaking havoc because of her.

"I'm certain whoever that creature was is gone. It already has the Jewel,” she added.

Miyatsu closed his eyes in thought. He sighed. "I cannot refuse the request of a beautiful woman."

"You're a sorry excuse for a monk..." Kikyo said for the tenth time that evening.

The next day they set out. There had been no reports of further attacks nearby and yokai had been sparse in the area ever since that day. It was too peaceful for Kikyo's comfort. The village would be several days away by foot. The miko steeled her still-recovering body for the long journey ahead. She heard a wild galloping behind her.

"Lady Kikyo!" Miyatsu exclaimed as he rushed towards her atop a panicking brown mare. With a graceful swoop of his arm, he draped her across the saddle of the horse.

"What in the world —" Kikyo stammered.

"Stop him! Stop that thieving monk!" It was the voice of the lord who had hosted them. "That was my best horse!"

"Unbelievable." Kikyo sighed.

Once they were a safe distance away, Miyatsu pulled her up into a more comfortable position. She wrapped her arms around his waist as they trotted down the roadway. In half a day, she began to recognize the familiar landmarks along the road to her village. A tree split with lightning, a forgotten shrine, a faded statue. The places that travelers would usually congregate to rest lay silent. There was no need to go to a decimated village. The horse grew uneasy as they approached the outskirts. Every minute or so it would let out a nervous whinny. As soon as the charred frames of the huts appeared, it stopped, reared up, and almost flung them to the ground. Miyatsu grabbed her by the arm and jumped from the frightened horse.

"It must smell the remains of the yokai," he explained. They continued the rest of the way on foot. Kikyo was at last able to sense the evil radiating from the ruins. The battle had been terrible. Such a place would attract all sorts of vengeful spirits. She quickened her steps in desperation.

 _I just have to see with my own eyes._ The remains of the village sprawled before her. Scavengers had picked the flesh from human and yokai alike, leaving only skeletons. Apprehension tugged at her gut as she flitted from derelict to derelict, corpse to corpse. Miyatsu accompanied her through the village, his body rigid. His silence betrayed his nerves.

"Do you sense something, sir Monk?" she asked. He shook his head.

"The residual evil that clouds this place makes it impossible to tell one thing from another. I like it not, Lady Kikyo." Was this linked to that fearful yokai they had fled from? She closed her eyes and focused. Probing for any trace of her sister. An aura attacked her senses. She grimaced, a bead of sweat trailed down her temple.

"Miyatsu," she said with an edge to her voice, "I feel the presence of the Shikon Jewel." Miyatsu was right, they should have waited until she had regained her powers. The monk froze in place, as if an invisible hand had arrested him.

"It's that...it's him." The monk shuddered. "And you said he still has the Jewel?" He swallowed and turned towards the west end of the village. A girl stood in the ruins, her face, covered in bandages, was contorted in terror. Kikyo's heart nearly stopped.

"Kaede!" She gasped. The miko banished her fear and ran forward as fast as her weakened body allowed.

"Sister!" Kaede yelled, "Sister Kikyo!" The small girl remained motionless.

"Kaede!" Kikyo exclaimed.

"STAY AWAY!" Kaede shrieked. Instinct told Kikyo to halt, but love kept her legs moving. She could not stop. Kaede was still alive. Alive!

A man sauntered from behind an intervening hut. Malicious red eyes glinted at her as he placed his hand on Kaede's shoulder.

"Well," he drawled, "isn't this touching?" Kikyo stopped. Even her dampened spiritual senses overwhelmed her. The yokai's evil was roiling off of him in terrible waves. The air surrounding him warped and darkened. "I knew you couldn't stay away for long, especially when your poor little sister needed you. You always are too sentimental to let go when you should, Kikyo..." The way he spoke her name sent a shiver running all the way up her spine. "Don't worry, I've been keeping her safe and sound." He patted Kaede on the head in a twisted parody of affection.

"KIKYO, RUN!" Kaede blurted out. The yokai backhanded the girl's wounded eye. Kaede tumbled to the ground, quivering as she clutched her face.

"Don't hurt her!" Kikyo screamed. The terrible aura stilled her muscles. "Please," she pleaded, feeling pathetic, "Please let her go."

The man took a step away from Kaede towards Kikyo. His face had sharp features, and his shaggy black hair fell to his shoulders. Any handsomeness that visage held was lost under the sheer malice of its expression. He wore armor that was far too fine for a common bandit. She shuddered as she thought about the people he must have slain to get those garments. A monster playing dress-up.

"Hm." he feigned a moment of consideration, "What would you be willing to offer me in exchange, Kikyo?" Beneath his fine breastplate she could see the outline of a tainted Shikon Jewel. His jaki swelled. Nausea sloshed back and forth in Kikyo's skull. She cursed her weakness. There was nothing she could offer this yokai. He already had the Shikon Jewel. If only she had her bow…

"Perhaps a hostage exchange, then?" His smile was lopsided. Why was that smile so familiar? A hostage? Was he referring to the monk? Or...

"KIKYO!" Miyatsu shouted as his staff crashed into the yokai, sending the creature stumbling backwards. In his left hand, the monk carried a spread of sutras. "Begone yokai!" He declared as he launched the spells towards his opponent. The parchment of the sutras dissolved in the jaki before they could even reach their target. The ink-haired yokai let out a low rumbling chuckle.

"How pathetic. You think such weak magic will have an effect on this Naraku?" His arm cracked and twisted into a spiked tendril. It slammed into Miyatsu sending him flying into a charred hut. Black flecks scattered in all directions as he hit. The monk doubled over in a coughing fit as he sank to the floor. Naraku stood over him, his tentacle twitched and straightened to a point. He was going to run it right through the monk.

"Sir Monk!" Kikyo screamed. A spear point glimmered from underneath a bleached pile of bones. She shot her arm into the pile, ignoring the stabbing pain as fragments of bone dug into her skin. With the cold metal in hand, she rushed at the yokai and buried it in his shoulder. The small amount of spiritual energy crackled with a burst of electricity before dying down. Instead of blood, noxious shoki oozed from the opening. It splattered and boiled as it was purified. Naraku let out a near-silent hiss. But as he whirled around to face her fully, his mouth stretched into a triumphant grin.

"How the mighty have fallen, Kikyo." His smile widened further, just enough to show the white of his teeth. The tendril relaxed, and writhed like a snake. It wrapped around Miyatsu's neck and clamped down. The monk's mouth stretched into a scream, but no sound escaped. His eyes bulged, glossy and distant. "I'll grant you a chance to save your companion," the yokai said. He never took his eyes off of her, even as the monk inched closer and closer to the underworld. Her fingers unfurled, and the spear-point dropped to the ground with a metallic clink.

"Please," she croaked, "please, stop." To her surprise, he released Miyatsu. The monk slumped over, clinging on to consciousness. She tried to dart to his side, but an arm circled her waist and yanked her back.

"I haven't finished my explanation," he said, amused, "but I'm glad you've agreed to the terms." The yokai landed a swift kick to the monk's ribcage, sending him into a spiral of convulsions. Kaede wobbled as she rose from the ground. With limping steps and quivering arms, the girl attempted to charge at them.

"You keep your hands off my sister!" Kaede shrieked. Naraku's mouth slithered into a smile as he knocked the girl back several yards with one swipe.

"How clumsy of me," he said in voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Kaede!" Kikyo squirmed in his grip. Naraku's arm tightened around her. He retracted his tendril and reformed his hand. With a fluid motion, he swept it under her legs and picked Kikyo up as if she weighed nothing. He strolled out of the village with Kikyo kicking and biting him as best she could. She felt the bones of her hands bruising against his armor. The yokai bore her exertions with amusement and let her tire herself out. Soon, she went limp, defeated for the moment, not daring to think of whatever this Naraku had in store for her. She drifted into an uneasy slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

The smell of moldered hay wandered uninvited into her nostrils.  Kikyo's body rocked from side to side as if she were a leaf floating down a river.  Heavy summer air clung to her skin.  As she blinked the sleep from her eyes, she realized that she was in a farmer's cart.  The skin around her wrists chafed. Rope pinned her arms down. She kicked. Legs as well. Kikyo mouthed a silent curse.

"So the great miko awakens," said a voice not wanting for sarcasm. "I must admit, I expected your guilty conscience would allow you no rest, Kikyo..." Her blue-gray eyes darted towards the speaker.  The ink-haired yokai lazed in the driver's seat, loosely gripping the reins of a worn-down nag.  A less grand abduction than expected from a yokai.   _If he was going to eat me, he would have done so already_ Kikyo decided.    
 

_Naraku..._

_That was your name, right?I should at least know the name of the bastard I'm going to obliterate._      

 _If I ever get that chance._   She shook her head to banish that last thought.   

He wore a simpler outfit than before: the cloth was coarser and the armor absent.  She studied his features as subtly as she could.  If it weren't for the massive aura of evil that surrounded him, one could almost mistake him as a handsome young farmer.  It unnerved her how fine his disguise was.   He even lacked the fangs, marks, and unnatural hues that distinguished a human-mimicking yokai.   _Only those red eyes..._

Perhaps he was a possessed human.  Kikyo knew of yokai that preyed on weak-willed mortals.   Those yokai were the most dangerous to her flock.  They would tear through a community like a silent poison coursing through veins.   

But even the craftiest of these yokai were unmasked in time.  Yokai never truly assimilated into their host societies. Understanding the mortal heart never was a concern for the creatures who regarded humans as nothing but prey.  

But possession was a tactic suited to weaker yokai. Ones that would be devoured by much bigger yokai in the wilds. And Naraku's aura was  _terrifying_.  Kikyo could see the edges of leaves wither and curl as their cart passed by. Her fist clenched, muscles tensed against the hempen bindings.

Something was not right about this Naraku.

Kikyo allowed the quiet to loom between them for a few moments more. Swallowing the acridness in her mouth, she spoke. "How do you know me, yokai?"

He chuckled darkly, but didn't answer.

"What do you want with me?" Her gaze drifted to the glimmer within the folds of his clothing. _What are you going to do with the Shikon Jewel?_

He ignored her again and turned towards herwith one of those insufferable, knowing smiles plastered on his face.

"I was wondering when you'd notice it,” he said as he reached into his robe. He opened his hand to reveal a corrupted Shikon Jewel. What had once shone with purity now sucked in all light, darkened beyond salvation. "Beautiful, isn't it? Especially when it's tainted with so much hatred and despair." His expression bordered on nostalgic. "I haven't quite decided what I want to do with it yet. Become more powerful, I suppose."

Kikyo strained her face muscles so she would betray no shock. She failed. Again, Naraku laughed at her. He had this annoying sort of chuckle that made Kikyo want to plant an arrow through his eye socket.

"I must admit, I enjoy that bothered look on your face. It's so much better than that try-hard stoicism you always wear." He regarded her for a moment before turning away.

How could he speak so lightly of the Shikon Jewel, the most desired object for any yokai?  Frigid dread sunk like a rock in her gut. The miko's eyes glazed over as she watched the drifting clouds. She felt his stare again. Even in that sweltering, humming summer air she shivered.

As night fell, Kikyo turned her attention to the skies. Spots of starlight winked into existence as the sun sank beyond horizon. The cart lurched to a halt and rolled Kikyo face-first into the hay pile.  She strained her head to look around. Dry fibers pricked at her cheeks and the beginnings of a cough percolated in her throat. A forest surrounded them. Lush greenery gave the impression of a healthy woodland, but she sensed a foul intent lurking within. Shadows seemed to flicker and morph as they wove between spindly trees.

The uneasy cart horse bucked, snorted, and kicked back at the hitch. White spots of foam formed at the corners of its flailing lips. With a shriek, it reared up, its shaggy brown mane swayed as the animal fell sideways, taking the cart with it. Naraku leapt from his seat in one smooth motion. Kikyo had no such ability. Her vision swirled as she tumbled with the cart. The hay softened her fall, but fresh pain still rippled through her shoulder. She stifled a groan as her vision darkened.

"Useless." Naraku said as he unsheathed his stolen sword. The blade blurred. Within the second, blood spurted from the unfortunate creature's neck. The fallen head still quivered as it fell to the ground, its mouth jerked in a silent whinny. Droplets splattered on her face and seeped into her eyes. Tears welled up in her stinging vision as disgust coiled in her stomach.  The stench of copper hung heavy in the air.  Her lids wrung out the watered-down death from her eyes. She was thankful for the darkness they brought. "Time to get out for the day, Kikyo," Naraku said in her ear. She squeezed her eyelids harder.

She yelped as he hoisted her on his shoulder, and carried her a couple paces. With more gentleness than she thought him capable of, he rested her against a nearby tree. Then, she heard scuffling. One eye peeked open. Her loathsome companion was tracing a circle in the dirt. He ringed it with elaborate designs she recognized as yokai witch symbols. With a flick of his wrist, a fire erupted in shades of deep blue.

He walked out of the clearing, his figure merged into the shadows of the forest. A sickening wet creaking punctuated with sputtering pops erupted from where he had gone.  He came back to the campsite covered in blood and carrying a dripping red horse leg.  He tossed it into the fire. Kikyo wrinkled her nose as pitch-black smoke fumed from the burning hair. She could see the bubbling flesh, hear the hiss of boiling fat as it dripped into the flames, taste the smoldering marrow within the bones.  Her stomach cramped. She hadn't eaten since yesterday.  

Yesterday.  

The memories came rushing back.  Another cramp.  She swallowed a knot in her throat.  The last she saw of the monk was him lying injured in her decimated village.  And her little sister. _Kaede._ She bit her lip to kill the sob.

A charred lump landed in front of her.  Naraku towered over her, a knife in hand.  He knelt down and sheared off a chunk.  Taking care to peel away the outer layer of skin, he held the morsel to her mouth.  "Eat, woman," he commanded.

 "No." She tilted her head away, exercising the one freedom of movement she did have.  "That's unclean meat."

"Why do you care? You've already failed as a miko," he said without hesitation. "Eat. It." He shoved the chunk closer to her mouth.

"It would be easier if you untied me," Kikyo said through clenched teeth.  She shifted her arms in emphasis.  

"Of course it would." Heat radiated off of the seared flesh.  Her resistance wavered.

  _Maybe just a taste…_

"You eat first."

"I don't need human food." The _humans are my food_ was understood. Hunger overcame stubbornness. She opened her mouth a sliver to take a nibble.  It would taste better if she could forget its origin.  A shove from his hand forced the rest of it into her mouth.   His smug expression made her wish her legs were free so she could kick out his teeth. Instead, she grumbled in protest.  She squared her her jaw, determined to spit it back into his face.  But she swallowed. Her stomach managed to keep hold of this sad excuse of a meal, despite the bile rising in the back of her throat. Disappointing. She had hoped to vomit it up on him.  Exhaustion soon sent her spiraling into oblivion.  

Morning arrived in silence. No birds chirped in these woods. The mystic fire left no sign that it ever burned.  All that remained was a half-chewed horse leg. A black cloud of flies swarmed above it. Ants coiled along the hoof in a macabre parade.  A shadow crept over the carcass. The insects froze in place before scattering in all directions.  A lonely corpse of yellow bone and blackened meat.   _Is that what will happen to me?_ Kikyo shuddered.

"Good morning, miko," Naraku said with his usual irreverence.  “Today, I have a special treat for you." He smiled.  

"You'll put me out of my misery?" She quipped.  

"Don't tempt me." His eyes flashed darkly.  "Today's the day you get to walk." 

She went quiet. Her legs ached where the bindings had cut into them.  A chance to stretch them out. _And a chance to escape._ Chances  too precious to waste on sarcasm. 

The forest was thick with mischief.  Her spiritual power allowed her to see through the illusions swirling in the air. Harmless to her, but she wondered if that was also the case for Naraku. She hoped not. Odd green flint lined the pathway.  It clacked with every step they took along it.  A sweet scent reached her nose: evergreen laced with incense.  A pure sort of scent.  Naraku hated it.

"This place is revolting." He held a sleeve up to his face, his brows furrowed.  As they continued, her suspicion that Naraku was caught in the forest's illusions turned to certainty.  He would stop and turn about in all directions.  He would take them up and down the same pathway several times. She enjoyed his frustration. Obviously, he wouldn't request her help in navigating, either.

Kikyo had the feeling that they were being watched. But she only saw the gnarled tree trunks that towered above them. Once in a while, she could hear laughter echoing from the treetops. There hadn't been any opportunities to escape. Naraku had kept within a few steps of her the entire time. When she'd “fall behind” he would tug her forward with a sneer. _You're a paranoid fellow, aren't you, Naraku? If I could only slip these bindings..._

At last, the light filtering through the canopy reddened with evening colors. Naraku arranged a stone circle within his chosen campsite. Silent, he wrapped a new binding around Kikyo's legs and settled her against a tree. Instead of mystic fire, he seemed content to tear limbs off nearby trees for a conventional one.

 _He must truly despise this place_ Kikyo thought. A smirk pried the corners of her lips. She watched the slithering tendrils of illusory spells as they drifted in the air around her. Strange roots twitched and crept along the ground, unable to snare her. The miko's trained ears picked up the nocturnal rustlings of predatory yokai. _Truly, a fantastic place to get lost in._

  It would be physically painful for Naraku to ask for her help. A true grin emerged, despite her situation.

"What the hell are you smiling about?" Naraku growled.

"It feels warm," she replied. "I wish I could warm up my hands." She glanced at her bound hands.  

"Nice try." He rose up. "I'm going to find you something to eat." 

 _If you starved me I'd be easier to handle._ Starvation would be preferable to whatever Naraku dragged in. Leaves crackled as he exited.  She rested her head against the tree, cursing the rope that gnawed at her arms and legs.

A twig snapped.  Her neck muscles tensed. Deep, ragged breathing seethed from behind. It wasn't the direction Naraku had gone. She sensed a powerful intent to kill. As for her own breathing, it had frozen. She nearly wished that it was just Naraku playing a trick on her. Nearly.

Inuyasha also had the habit of sneaking up on her. But, even in those early days, there was no true threat in his actions.  Until…

The cracking of a large branch wrenched her thoughts back to the present.

The brush shuddered as the beast lumbered out, its fur tangled with branches.  A huge white baboon with fangs bared loomed over her. 

"I don't know how long it's been since I've tasted virgin !" It exclaimed before closing in on her.

 _Why would that even make a difference?_  Was the only question that popped into Kikyo's head as the yokai lunged. A claw swiped down.  It never made contact. The arm continued in an arc past her, a red ribbon of blood undulating behind. Cut clean at the elbow. Her assailant howled in pain and whirled about.  There stood Naraku, his arm extended into a sharpened tendril, with a blank expression.

"You bastard," the baboon hissed out, "what kind of fuckin' yokai are you supposed to be?  You reek of weak yokai and burnt hum—" Naraku drove his tentacle through the mouth of the baboon and out through its neck. Blood splattered from the exit wound, painting a nearby tree. The behemoth twitched as its life force ebbed, before slumping into death.

 "I had caught you a snake to eat, but I suppose baboon works just as well," Naraku said in an even tone. He unsheathed his knife and began to tear the hide off of the fallen yokai.  A hand grazed over the white fur thoughtfully as he worked.  He sheared off a sizable chunk of muscle, tossed it into the fire, and then continued his work.  He untied her hands to allow her to eat, but not her legs.

 She wouldn't be able to untie them quick enough to escape. Instead, she watched him skin the rest of the baboon while she ate the greasy bush meat. At last, he had a sizable pelt.  With a swift motion, he smashed the skull of the baboon open and scooped out the brains. Pink slime oozed in his hand as he gathered up the organ. 

Pelt in hand, he approached her. She arched an eyebrow. He was now coated head-to-toe in the beast's blood and wore the damnedest expression on his face. Not caring that the blood stained her dress, he rebound her arms and ventured off to the woods with his spoils.  

When he returned, he had cleaned off the blood, and the pet was sopping wet.  He wrung it out and stretched it from one tree branch to another. Kikyo rolled her eyes.   _Don't tell me he's thinking of keeping that horrid thing._

Kikyo's dread materialized into reality. After that day there was no separating him from that damned pelt. He draped it around his shoulders like a cloak.  Initially, she refused to comment on it. But when he tried putting it on her like a blanket the next night, she couldn't remain silent.

 "YOU GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!" she shrieked when he draped* it on her still bound body.  He only smiled at her.   
"Don't worry, Kikyo, I've ensorceled it to resist damage. I can trust you with it."   
She scowled. His grin widened. The skin remained on her for the rest of the night.

Annoying as the pelt was, it was his possession of the Shikon Jewel that bothered her more. As she observed him covertly, she could not see any trace of him trying to absorb the talisman, much less _use_ it.

The next night, she awoke in a cold sweat. The hour was late, the full moon bathed their campsite in pale shades. The fire had sizzled out, but Narkau was still sitting around it. He stared intently at the sphere his palm. The Shikon Jewel seemed a bleak void that the feeble moonlight had no hope of illuminating. Suddenly, his gaze shifted to her. Then back to the jewel. His unfamiliar expression frightened Kikyo more than all his previous threats. She closed her eyes and feigned sleep until morning.

The days seemed to meld together as they continued in those cursed woods. They had not made an iota of progress. As amusing as the situation was, Kikyo's legs were tired of this fruitless wandering. Naraku had not let her out of sight once, her hope for an escape was diminishing by the minute.

One afternoon, on the same path they had gone up and down at least seven times, he halted and looked Kikyo directly in the eye.

"You know how to get out of here, don't you?" he accused. She enjoyed imagining his pride bleeding out on the ground. He was admitting defeat.

"I wasn't sure it was my place to say anything." Kikyo barely contained the smugness that threatened to overwhelm her expression.

Naraku let out a frustrated sigh, not wanting to address the subject any more than needed. "Which..." His sentence trailed off into a mumble.

"What was that?" Kikyo prompted.

"Which way..." He looked pained.

"I'm sorry?" She tilted her head slightly as if to improve her hearing.

"DAMMIT WOMAN, WHICH WAY SHOULD WE GO?" He belted with a level of irritation she thought him incapable of.

"Oh. Well, perhaps you should follow behind me, the illusions here are unpredictable." She sauntered forward. Her chin was held high, even though her hands were bound behind her.

"Bitch..." He muttered as he followed her. Kikyo's senses were able to discern the true path out. The trees thinned, mists fled, and the path widened. Every so often the dulled bones of a perished traveler peeked from underneath decayed leaves.

A vine caught her foot and sent her downwards. Pain jolted through her ribs as she landed face-first into the compact earth. A dull throb erupted from her snared ankle.

Naraku didn't help her up. Instead he called her an "airheaded woman" as she curled in pain on the ground. She glared at Naraku. But, then, a flash of silver danced behind him. She snapped her attention towards it. Nothing but the green of the forest.

"What are you looking at?" He asked.

The vine around her ankle squeezed. She ignored it and Naraku's repeated questions. She continued staring into the distance. The air rippled and twisted, but her eyes could make out the faintest of outlines. It glowed in silver and red.

She ran. Even as the fresh pain coursed through her chest and ankle. Even as throbbing blood sent waves of old suffering across her shoulder. She could only hear the thudding of her heartbeat, not the demands of her captor telling her to return. The vine dug into flesh, black loam greedily lapped up the crimson droplets as they fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter was really difficult for me to write for some reason. Sobriety maybe. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I always appreciate feedback in any form. Big shout out to narqueen who is super-duper inspiring and who always sends me judge judy gifs.


End file.
